she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
