Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
