I will die if light touches me.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
