So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
