your thong is hanging out like whoa
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
