Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am available for nakedness
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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