yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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