I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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