for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am one with the molecules
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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