I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
