My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so that wasnt chicken after all
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
