need another drink. this is the easiest way
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
