whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
