Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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