You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize