well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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