i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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