Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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