I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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