I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
