operation have a gay friend backfired
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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