so explain again why im purple
no
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
