you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
