you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
