New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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