he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We got so high we made milksteak
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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