Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
