How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
