I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
