We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Say something about gay babies.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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