I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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