He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
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