im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
