you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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