i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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