First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
