So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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