I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
