he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
