16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
