Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
