Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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