Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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