dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
