dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
