Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
