so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she told me i tasted like america
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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