She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize