Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize