all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
