Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
