never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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