So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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