There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
