If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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