Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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