yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
