Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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