I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
