just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I need a burrito and a hug.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
