I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
