remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
What did we do last night that was yellow?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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