I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
