Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
