oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
