I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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