Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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