dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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