There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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