Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee

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(407): View more from Florida

I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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(614): View more from Ohio

I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.

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(716): View more from New York

the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican

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(786): View more from Florida

I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.

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