I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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