marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
