im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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