the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
