i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
