I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I will be naked everywhere
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
