I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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