ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
