now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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