I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So squirting runs in the family.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
