I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
