Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize