happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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