i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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