It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
