dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
