Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
